I am indeed confused. To an insane degree.
I will try to sort out my thoughts here.
I know more about the Bible than most people- and not just most average people, but most Christians I know. I know more about the rules and facts than many of them and I have even done research into some of the lines I was concerned about, gaining knowledge about translations and all of that.
After trying to open my mind to that kind of thinking- and believe me, I tried very, very hard- I have concluded that I do not believe in the Bible. It is not the true word of the Creator. Have you ever really looked at that? It just does not make any sense in any regard, and no one has been able to give an argument in its favor in all my days. It is full of contradictions, errors, and utter impossibilities. And I wanted to try and understand. I wanted that very badly. But I can’t pretend anymore that I don’t think the Bible is complete nonsense.
Slowly, as I learn and understand, I find my path from before was exactly where I was supposed to be; as with everything I learn to be false, I look for the parallel, and it lies within what I before believed. It lies within the book I’ve been keeping. I am still firm in my belief of a creator and hierarchy of divine entities that interact with us. And after all, sin is nothing but True Evil, and True Evil is nothing but the pain that makes life difficult. But the Bible has it very wrong and the Christian god is not the God I have known. Sometimes I wonder if it’s not even the god the Christians have known. The true one is all-loving. The god in the Bible, you see, is not. Not at all. And that is not truth.
I have Christian friends and coworkers. I do not want to upset them. But I know for a fact that they do not have seriously extended knowledge of the Bible that would make it possible to bring up these concerns and explain why I am pulling back again.
I want my truth back, and I want my path back. I want the fascination of spirituality back. I deserved it.
I need some guidance and help. I don’t know what to do.